random thoughts

udah lama ngga nulis postingan disini, mungkin terlalu sibuk ngerjain tesis, mungkin terlalu sibuk memendam di pikiran sendiri..

almost a month since my mom passed way, it was hard, so damn hard

especially it happened exactly a week since I left Indonesia and went back to Korea to finish my study here. I knew deep in my heart that she did not want me to sad, because she knew, i could not handle it like my sister or my dad. 

Mom, i still feel you here. i don’t want to say that I lost you, but I just want to feel that we are in the two different world. It is just a matter of time and space. You can still see me when I laugh, I cry, and I smile.

I knew that day would come, our parents grew old (us too) and there will be a day when they leave me. In a positive way, I feel that my mom’s job just finished to raise me up until here and she succeeded, without her, I will not stand here, 5000 km from my hometown, as an international student in a reputable university in Korea.


Time goes by, I try to manage all of my relationship to be perfect. I do not want to loose someone again, enough suffering. but I don’t know why, this week just so hard for me, less than a month since my mom gone, I realize that I have to face another lost.


it is too hard for me. I can not handle it. even if I could turn back time, but It is impossible. 

I just want the truth, even though is hard, but I have to face the reality.


memang sulit ya untuk belajar ikhlas…



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